Month 29: Friends

Bing Bing, as per her teacher, was one of the most popular kids at her kindergarten. This might be attributed to the fact that she was always the smallest at school; she was cute, friendly and super caring. I assumed that all the kids would play and mingle together and there would be no “close friends” at this stage of toddler development.

But…I was wrong!

Alex was quite close to Mona, a warm-hearted Romanian teacher at Bing Bing’s kindergarten, and they could talk for hours about the kids. One day, Mona asked me “Alan, do you know Finn from our class?”

Of course I know Finn. His parents drove a shiny Jeep SUV which often blocked my driveway in the morning. Finn knew me, too. I vividly remembered seeing him jump out of the car and pointed his little finger towards me, saying “Mommy, that’s Margaret’s father”. I had the impression that Finn was a sociable and well-groomed kid. As such, he was very memorable to me. So I told Mona “Of course I do. What’s the matter?”

“Finn will only come to our kindergarten three days per week starting next month. His mother told me his number one concern is that he will not be able to play with Margaret”, said Mona.

“Oh, they are good friends, aren’t they?” I asked

“Yes, Finn and Margaret are really really close. They play together; they read together, they eat together. Finn is really protective of Margaret as well. I can see they are developing into a very special friendship” – Mona answered and smiled. “Finn’s mom suggested that you should organize a playdate so that the kids can play together”.

“That sounds great.”

I then got in touch with Finn’s mom and she wrote my number on a sticker note and put it on her fridge. Finn’s family just came back from a short trip to Samoa and Rene would organize the playdate very soon. She told me that Finn didn’t let anyone touch the sticker note with my number as he was afraid that his mother might forget about the playdate…At this stage, I knew that Bing Bing had a close friend – Finn.

Three weeks ago, we invited my parents to visit Bing Bing’s kindergarten and my mum taught them how to make Vietnamese spring rolls. Sally, the Manager, told us her story with such a great excitement.

“I can’t believe that Margaret has been with us for 3 months. You know she already had a buddy right?” – said Sally

I was about to answer “Yes, it gotta be Finn” in a very cool I-knew-it-already manner, and Sally’s next sentence almost got me tumble.

“Yes yes, it’s Matt ha ha.  It was really funny. Matt came back last week from his long holiday and I greeted him at the entrance. He ignored me and, by the way, do you know what his first sentence was?” – said Sally

“Err, what did he ask you?” – Alex voiced up

“He asked me “Where’s Margaret?” – Sally said and giggled – “And then he rushed into the room to find Margaret and they had great fun building a tower together”.

I hardly knew Matt back then, and my impression of Matt was not that strong. He was really shy and quiet when we ran into each other in the hallway one morning.

I smiled whenever I thought of Bing Bing and her friends. A teacher at Bing Bing’s first kindergarten used to tell us her observation that Bing Bing was really mature in her interaction with friends. She would choose not to play with a kid who acted aggressively or unreasonably towards his/her friends. That’s why I was really happy to see that Bing Bing could make friends with other toddlers at school. For me, it meant that Bing Bing was put in a friendly environment in which toddlers knew how to play with and respect each other. More importantly, as Finn and Matt were having different personalities, it was really important for Bing Bing to appreciate such difference between her two best friends. In the long run, this would help Bing Bing develop her self-awareness and emotional intelligence. 

 

“If you take kids to a playgroup, you'll find two children who just naturally gravitate toward each other”

Marilyn Segal, American development psychologist